eastside zoo

BOX OF 7"s: Episode 8

2010-04-29T16:38:00.003-05:00

LIMP WRIST - s/t
Parology Recs., 2001

Maybe you didn't know, but Limp Wrist are America's preeminent gay hardcore band. Martin picked up the pieces of Los Crudos and ran with them, creating another exciting, unusual band.
There's a lot to discuss, socially and politcally, here. I won't waste your time on a conversation you've most likely had, but I would like to hear a new record from Limp Wrist now, amidst all the DADT crap and California's Prop. 8 and all the racist legislation that's coming out of Arizona.
Martin! Where are you guys? Another decade's worth of gay American youth needs you!

MAKE UP - Substance Abuse
Time Bomb Records, 1996

The title song on this little slab of wax is probably the greatest thing this great band ever put down. I have listened to it countless times and it never gets old. I used to play it when I dj'd and I still listen to it now. The recording is exactly how it should sound and everything comes through. The desperate howl, the urgent bass line, funky drumming, the fun of using drugs! "You have got to take the time, to consider what the substance is for."
I know that the Make Up were white belted hipsters and everyone liked to point and make fun, but when they played everyone paid attention. That's what counts and they were awesome. It goes like that when most of the band is made up of most of Nation of Ulysses.

MARKED MEN - She Won't Know b/w Nothing's Changed
Shit Sandwich, 2005

Of all the great bands that Texas has given us, these guys fall somewhere in the Top 20 of All Time and the Top 10 for me. Besides SA's Big Drag and maybe a few others, no one does power pop as good as these guys. When they started, I was doubtful because I liked the Reds, a previous iteration featuring most of the same dudes, way too much. After the first Marked Men album, I was all like "The Reds? Who's that?" Just kidding. The Marked Men will live forever and this little piece of gold is a good illustration why.

BOX OF 7"s: Episode 7

2010-04-22T11:53:00.011-05:00

Hello again...

INHALANTS - s/t
Unclean Records, 1993

Not the fun party accessory, but a fine single from the garage rock factory here in Austin, TX. Unclean Records released a number of fine Central Texas product, like Glorium, the Hamicks, and the Sons of Hercules. I didn't get my hands on it until a few years after its release, when the Inhalants had already broken up. I never got to see them. At one point, they were crazy enough to hire wild drummer Chris Hernandez, who, I'm sure, talked his way into that position like a smooth criminal. Then, all of Austin moved to Seattle.
I like this one, as it includes the awesome "Misanthrope", which sounds like a song X would pull out for an encore.
As luck would have it, some time later, Lisa from the Inhalants would later get a roommate. That roommate would figure in our next two bands....

THE JEWWS - I Need Your Lovin'
Alien Snatch Recs., 2001(?)

The Jewws have a cemented a place in my heart. As far as rock music goes, Houston has produced none better than the Jewws. Their Heartbreaker 10" (with Omari's brother keeping the beat)is so awesome. I have seen them countless times. I still wish they were together. The snotty, spastic loudness hooks me every time. Rebecca's thick, red mane still shimmers! Omari's sneer shines in the night! Matt's striped shirt reminds me of his other striped shirt! Seriously, if you haven't already introduced yourself to the wonders of this band, please do. Check the video below.

During the time of the Jewws, I got to know them and still do to this day. They are all awesome. You should try and find that Heartbreaker 10".
Of course, two Jewws were also in...

JUNIOR VARSITY - Bam Bam Bam!
Twist Like This, 2000

"If I was a pizza, I'd be a slice of cheese.."
How could you turn down a record with a line like that? You couldn't and neither did I. It's no secret that I like cute stuff, and this is that with charm for days. In a feat of engineering genius, they managed to squeeze an entire album onto this 7". How so?
Even though JV pines for the creaky old 50s, this sounds fresh and sprightly. Yet another band out of Houston I wish would still play (and two more Texans lost to Washington!). I'm going to listen to it again, while I eat Wheat Chex. Oh, here are some cute pics of JV playing at an elementary school!

See you soon!

I'ma live blog this SXSW bitch!

2010-03-16T19:12:00.001-06:00

As a grand return to bloggville, I will try to live blog evryband I see this year!

I AM A SORRY BITCH

2010-02-22T15:01:00.003-06:00

FUCK! I haven't put up anything new here in over a month! Well, there's actually been some factors as to why, but most aren't good enough to publish. I promise there will be Episode 7 of the 7 Inch Box soon. Maybe some cute animal pictures. Stay tuned!

Cute Visitor at Work

2010-01-14T17:19:00.003-06:00

This happy fellow came in and spilled cute everywhere.

BOX OF 7"s: Episode 6

2010-01-14T16:34:00.007-06:00

Hey, you guys like Hickey?

HICKEY - Us v. Them ep
Truth About Fonzie Communications, 1994

Is this the first Hickey 7"? Yes, but my copy is a repress from a year or so later. Needless to say, this is awesome. Not only does it come with a bunch of shit for you to read, it contains one of my favorite Hickey songs: "Everyone's A Whore". This record is ideal for drinking your first beer on a night when you just know you're going to drink more than 10. Interesting fact about my copy: it has a phone number inscribed on the inner sleeve that was there when I got it in 2002, which is the same year Matty Luv died. It's a 214 number. If you want I'll e-mail it to you and you can call it.

HICKEY & ALL YOU CAN EAT - Banana Split ep
Monitor Recs., 1994 (It's yellow see-thru!)

OK. On the cover of this piece of gold, AYCE is actually listed first. I file it under Hickey because I listen to that side more and Hickey are great. If you only have "Various States of Disrepair", their compendium, this 7" has 'Make Sure There Aren't Any Squares At My Funeral' and 'El Farolito'. These are two awesome songs and will surely take your mind back to an awesome party somewhere in your history. Especially if you love burritos. All You Can Eat acquit themselves quite well on their side of the split, but I'm here to talk about Hickey.
I'm thinking this is a repress, but I'm not sure. It has a cute drawing of a guy in a dinosaur costume handing out flyers for kung fu lessons on the back.

HICKEY - Art, Messianism, & Crime ep
Last Resort Recs., 1995

Then again, maybe this is their best 7". Not only do all the songs shine like crusty diamonds (especially "Everything I Know About Sex I Learned from KISS"), but the unfoldable newspaper cover reveals the awesome "Hickey vs. Austin, Tx" article inside. The tale involves arrests and Peter Criss, but not necessarily together. I never got to see Hickey. I wasn't hip to them when they played here. :( It must also be mentioned that this a good party record.

HICKEY / VOODOO GLOWSKULLS
Probe Recs./"Epitaph Recs.", 1996

I'm just going to reprint the stuff from Wikipedia:

Probe records released a 7" which was made to look as if it were a split between Hickey and the Voodoo Glow Skulls. On one side of the 7" was the Hickey song "Food Stamps and Drink Tickets" and the other side members of Hickey played the trumpet that was stolen from Voodoo Glow Skulls over the answering machine messages left by Voodoo Glow Skulls members and Epitaph Records employees demanding the return of the instrument. The 7" also falsely had the Epitaph Records logo on the back as Epitaph had no official part in the release.

According to the zine included with the 7" the two bands played together at the now closed Nile Theater in Mesa, Arizona. Matty Luv, singer of Hickey, made disparaging remarks about Epitaph Records and the commercialization of punk. After members of both bands had a confrontation, the Voodoo Glow Skulls convinced the venue owner to eject Hickey without pay. In response, Hickey stole the trumpet in question out of the Voodoo Glow Skulls van.

After receiving threatening messages on their answering machine, Hickey filled the trumpet with pudding and returned it.

Sorry to end on a down note, but I'm just not crazy about the song on here. It's called "Food Stamps and Drink Tickets". The zine that comes with this is pretty entertaining, though. The back and forth between the bands and their peoples makes for a good read.

CAT PARTY

2010-01-11T17:00:00.005-06:00

The kittens are going in to get their nuts cut on Friday! Wish these bros well.

Spottie!

BOX OF 7"s: Episode 5

2010-01-06T16:06:00.007-06:00

Now that the boozy holidays are over, I can get back to pondering my box of 7"s. Actually, the box had a little adventure of its own. In protest of my not cleaning their box, one of the cats took a shit near the box. That was bad enough, but when I reached for the box the next time, I found a remnant stuck to it! It was a piece of duct tape covered in cat poo stuck to the box! Gross! Not as gross as a dog shitting a tampon, I suppose. It was cleaned and returned to its former state.

THE GOSPEL SWINGERS - Mississippi ep
In The Red Recs., 2001

This is a really awesome record, and I remember these guys really bringing down the house whenever they played. They were from Denton, so it wasn't that rarely. I remember one particularly fun show at Trophy's in south Austin. Unfortunately, the record ends too soon, and really leaves you wanting more. Luckily, an album came along a few years later, however posthomously. This slab is produced by the great Tim Kerr, who would soon collaborate with 3/5 of the Swingers in the Now Time Delegation.
The Swingers originated with the handsome Alex Cuervo, who also thrilled us in the King Sound Quartet and Blacktop, among others. He's now fronting the excellent Hex Dispensers, along with his lovely wife Alyse Mervosh-Cuervo, who punishes the drums. You can read an interesting interview with Alex from 2007 here.
PS. When they got married, it was awesome and it allowed me to wear a chipmunk vest for most of the evening.

THE HATCHBACKS ep
Turkey Baster Recs., 2000 (It's green see-thru.)

Ha ha! I have lots of fun memories associated with this band. They were loud and snotty and liked to party. They all remain friends of mine today and they continue to rock, although one rocks a research desk at a prominent Jewish university. Not bad for a Motard!
The song I like the most on here is "Hit the Road", a driving little tune that sternly asks for your attention. The remaining jams keep the party goin' and prompted me to drink a beer as I type this. Those Hatchbacks really liked to rock. Once, Dean knocked himself out cold when he fell off the stage during a show. I thought he was dead, but he merely received a concussion. He passes on that concussion to the ages with this fine contribution to Texas music history.
Did you know that there's a rockabilly band from Sweden called the Hatchbacks, too? Well, there is.

Sorry this post only has two entries. Next, I've got 4 Hickey 7"s to go through.

BOX OF 7"s: Episode 4

2009-12-17T16:30:00.004-06:00

DONNY DENIM - "Hey You" b/w "Rock 'n' Roll Love Affair"
Radio X, 1999

There's a lot of Darin Raffaelli in this box. Here he is with his back-up band, AM Radio, on a couple of snappy tunes. The b side is the winner of this pop contest. The song dances around with a Sweet/Dictators vibe. It still sounds like it'd be better if the Bobbyteens did it. This disc also reveals how much he had to do with that band's sound.
I don't really know what dude looks like, but the picture on the back of the sleeve is very unflattering. It filled me with disappointment upon first viewing. This did not look like the handsome lad on the car from Supercharger.
One thing I was unaware of with this record. Check this out:

LC: Donny Denim. Was it a solo project? If not who was in it and did you tour?

Darin: Donny Denim was a comedy record that I recorded with Brian and the rockin Kathy Walker of the Retardos. We were so blatantly trying to be funny that I scratch my head when people say that its powder poop. Read my lips: I shit on powder poop and wipe my ass with bubblegum. I was trying to look like the Big Ragu on the cover but ended up looking like I don’t know what. My friend Nici, who did the cover, had to airbrush my bald spot. Thankfully, Michael Lucas asked me to record Necro Sue with the Phantom Surfers, which really captured the true spirit of what Donny DeNimbecile was supposed to be all about. No tour. No shows. No girl fans.

Here's a video!

THE FATAL FLYING GUILLOTEENS ep
Twistworthy,

We wanna know where the rock comes from.
Boy, do I love me some early Guilloteens records. Houston's most aggressive weirdos seemed to run on contempt; for the audience or the club or each other. I liked to go to their shows to see what would happen, and usually something did. They played lots of hardcore shows and those kids like to dance (and so did I!) I got punched in the face once during a fight at one show and I had to barf after. Oh, and the band sweat a lot.
This records seems a little less manic than the ones to follow but still shows off their menacing snarl proudly. That last song is, to me, their theme song.

FATAL FLYING GUILLOTEENS ep
Estrus Recs, 1999

This record is so awesome. Recorded almost exactly one year after the previously mentioned 7-incher and the experience gained is displayed well. "Shake Train" is probably my favorite FFG song and it really brought down the house when they played it live.
You know what? The band is historically handsome. Throughout their line-up changes, good looks have been a constant. I wonder if you have to submit a headshot when you audition for the band. Are they serviced by a men's modelling agency? You tell me.

BOX OF 7"s: Episode 3

2009-12-10T16:21:00.003-06:00

THE CHERRY VALANCE - "Two Headed Woman" b/w "(Let Me Do My) Business"
Fandango Recs., 2000, (pretty clear blue wax)

One of my favorite bands of the 00s also has one of the coolest names. In case you didn't know, they're named after a character in the SE Hinton book The Outsiders. You've probably seen the movie, which is also good.
Anyway, this record rocks and is good for consuming mass quantities of beer and fun. Both sides are great party jams filled with Southern boogie charms and a foxy lady who can play ripping leads. Her name is Cheetie. Both she and her bff, Paul, are in Birds of Avalon now. They are cool people in awesome bands. The Cherry Valance were great live, a dynamo of musical awesome. Make sure you check out their LP called Riffin', which is wall to wall hits.
Here's a video you may enjoy:

CHERUBS - "Pink Party Dessert" b/w "Downy Downer"
Trance Syndicate, 1992

"Pink Party Dessert" is a great song that opens with a bludgeoning riff and careens on from there. It's so awesome that I rarely listen to the other side, which has never grabbed me. If you ever see a copy of their Heroin Man LP, you should pick it up.
Once, I was at a Stereolab show at Liberty Lunch. I am old. The show was in full swing and I lit a joint and noticed I was standing next to Kevin Whitley, a Cherub. He looked at me funny and I offered him a hit, but was waved off. I found out the next day, he's as sober as the sun. A faux pas?

THE DONNAS - "Da Doo Ron Ron" & "I Don't Wanna Go To School" b/w "I Don't Wanna Rock 'n' Roll Tonight"
Super*Teem Recs., 1996

"Gimme that chiba!" Another assist from Darin Raffaelli leads to another piece of bubblegum punk girl greatness. Each song is better than the previous one. I wish I had the talent to have written "I Don't Wanna Rock 'n' Roll Tonight". The genius lies in the simplicity. Three chords and the teenaged truth, right? Do you think Raffaelli wrote the last one after one the teenaged Donnas turned down his old man advances?

THE DONNAS - High School Yum Yum ep
Radio X, 1995 (I think mine's a re-press, though.)

The debut of our teenaged darlings. The gem on this one is "Let's Rab!" which plots the course for the next few years to come.
Once I gave Donna R., the guitar player, a joint. I hope they enjoyed it. As for the Donnas, we've grown apart. When they started down the arena rock path, I went along. I got off at the first stop, though. They continue to rock on.

BOX OF 7"s: Episode 2

2009-12-04T16:13:00.003-06:00

THE BOBBYTEENS - "I Wanna Go Home" b/w "Pay the Price"
Outer Universe Recs, 1998 (and it's on pink marble!)

Born from the genius of Darin Raffaelli, the Phil Spector of 90s garage rock, the Bobbyteens' sloppy bubblegum earnestness is hard to resist. They've also got pedigree. Russell Quan was in the Mummies! Two of the girls were Trashwomen!
I must admit that this is my thing. This type of bubblegum garage here. Catchy, instantly hummable, snotty. I really like both the tunes on this one. "I Wanna Go Home" is definitely my jam when I'm ready to get back to Texas. I must have worn down a needle playing this one over and over when I first got it. You know, I think the Bobbyteens only played here once. We saw them in Vegas in 2000 and I have a picture of Russell Quan taking a picture of me in an elevator while I'm taking his picture!

THE BOBBYTEENS - "Treat Me Right" b/w "Girl Downtown"
Screaming Apple Recs., 1999

With another Raffaelli assist, another sweet wad of bubblegum is borne from the Bobbyteens. There's a little picture of him rockin' out on the back of the sleeve. He plays guitar on all these singles. Did he write the songs? I think he did.
I can really relate to the "Girl Downtown" song. It's about being a kid and seeing someone who looks really cool to you and you can't wait to get older and emulate them or try to, anyway. Like the first time you saw a punk or a rockabilly dude or a b-girl at the mall, and they were real. "Wow", you'd think. "There's a real punk rocker. His buttflap is as gnarly as the ones in The Decline of Western Civilization 3. He's cool."

THE BOBBYTEENS - "Rock n' Roll Show" b/w "Backseat Lover"
Estrus Recs., 1999

Not my favorite, but it's OK. "Backseat Lover" really provides the meat on this, but when I listen to it I can't help but think of Russell and Tina from the band getting it on in the back of the van. I wonder if they follwed the popular "no body fluids in the van" rule that I've noticed most bands favor. I think it's to prevent the van from stinking of sex!

Haiku Time .014 - FFF Update

2009-12-03T17:42:00.002-06:00

Fuck it! I tried. It went good for a few weeks and then I caved. Oh, well.

French fries: hard to quit
I tried to last a whole month
but could not make it.

KITTENS: THE NEXT GENERATION - The Porch Photos

2009-12-03T16:45:00.003-06:00

BABYDADDY

2009-12-03T16:17:00.003-06:00

These are exclusive photos of the father of both litters of kittens that were born here this summer. Initially, the Ugly White Cat was thought to be the banger of Mimi's overworked box, but as you can see here, all the apples did not fall far from the tree.

BOX OF 7"s: Episode 1

2009-12-02T17:32:00.003-06:00

Let's begin the journey through my box of seven-inch records, shall we? I've sorted them all alphabetically by artist and I counted them. There's 76! Here we go...

ANDON - s/t
199?, Dick Army Recs., Austin, TX

Everytime I look at this one, I think of Snakepit's quote about every seven-inch in the dollar bin represents some white boy's broken dream. That doesn't mean this record is a failure, it's OK. Standard 90s post-hardcore screamy chunkiness with some speedy parts. I'm sure I had a reason for rescuing this from the dollar bin, but I can't remember why. Some cute guy probably recommended it to me. I also like it when grandparents are thanked in the notes. Oh, and you know what? I found an old Sound Exchange gift certificate in the sleeve! I still had $8 in credit left!

BASEBALL FURIES - I Hate Your Secret Club
2001, Estrus Records, Bellingham, WA

What can I say about the Baseball Furies? A great band out of Chicago, by way of Buffalo. I became friends with these dudes when they got bumped from a show at Emo's and walked into Sound Exchange looking for a place to play. They did, and it was for me, another employee and a few shoppers with a high tolerance for volume. It was a great show that no one saw and impressed me. We got drunk together at Casino and the rest is party time history. This record has their first drummer, Dapper Dan, who was a cool guy that I've never seen again. What happened to him?
This is the first record they put out on Estrus and it's a good one. To me, it sounds like when you get drunk in an uncomfortable social setting. "I don't really wanna be here, but at least there's booze!" which leads to "Why is your boss so fat? I said, 'WHY IS YOUR BOSS SO FAT?" That leads to "Why are you mad at me? Are we leaving? No, I want another drink! Why can't I STAY?!"

BASEBALL FURIES - This is the Greatest Rock-n-Roll Record Ever!
1996, Big Neck Records, Buffalo, NY

This is the first Baseball Furies release, I believe. It's on grey marble vinyl and is hand numbered 116 out of 300. Not as good as their later tunes, but still pretty sweet. I wish I could find the picture of me and Jim from the Furies dancing to Pink's "Get the Party Started" on top of a van painted in Green Bay Packers logos.

See? $8.32!

BOX OF 7"s

2009-12-01T16:11:00.004-06:00

There's, like, 50 in there.

The floor lamp in the corner of my bedroom has a constant companion. It sits on the floor next to the lamp, hoping that one day I'll notice it whenever I switch the lamp on. It is a box of 7" records.
I was a casual collector, always on the lookout for records I enjoyed or was curious about. The job at Sound Exchange provided cheap and easy access. Unfortunately, after SE shut down, so did my habit of buying 7" records. In my opinion, most are too expensive to justify purchasing and that killed my interest. It's not like they weren't going to show up on some "B-Sides and Rarities!" compilation.
Anyway, my lamp's companion finally caught my eye last night and got me wondering as to what I should do with all these little guys that I don't listen to anymore. I remember all the songs, and I know a few haven't shown up anywhere else. So what do I do? I could keep them, but that seems unfair to the little guys. They'd be all hidden away in a blue box with a Powerpuff Girls sticker on it, unaware that someone may want to hear their inlaid monster jams. I know I'd never get what I want for them if I sold them to a local shop. I looked at popsike and noticed that a few of these 45s could go for $50! Do I even want to sell them? When I'm listening to each one, will I become nostalgic and promise to never let it go? Most likely, it'll be 50/50 keep and sell. Who knows?! Let's see what's inside shall we?...

FFF Update

2009-11-17T01:16:00.004-06:00

So, yesterday, in a fit of hangover, I ate half of a small order of fries. I couldn't think of anything else to eat and I was starving and felt awful from the drink-a-thon I'd had the day before. I did what came naturally. I got in my car and drove to the nearest fast food place. Returning to the crib, I sat in front of the TV and started in on my combo meal without thinking. As soon as the salty crispiness hit my tongue, I knew what I was doing was wrong.
I acknowledged this to myself and to my roommate, Mitch. He raised an eyebrow, but never stopped me. He knows I can make my own decisions. Thusly, I have decided to keep avoiding fries. I'VE GOT TO KEEP AVOIDING FRIES. Giving my body a break from endless bombardments of little grease missiles is a good idea. There will be small payoffs, like weight loss and a little fundage saved. These will help me keep off the tasty potato twigs. I hope it's enough!

Thanks, Why Travel to France!

KITTENS: TNG Update

2009-11-17T01:15:00.000-06:00

All the kittens have been adopted! Huzzah!

COMING SOON!

2009-11-10T02:07:00.000-06:00

This is actually in production!

FFF Update

2009-11-10T02:01:00.003-06:00

So, I'm still on the fry wagon after 9 long days. It's hard eating fast food and not getting combo meals! I fell off the chip wagon and succumbed to some tortilla chips, but at least they're not made of potatoes, right? I mean, that is still a clear step away from french fries. Today, Celina (who is also forsaking fries) are some potato chips right in front of me, and admitted to doing so more than once! No self-control!

GOOD VIBRATIONS

2009-11-05T17:26:00.004-06:00

So, remember that weed plant from the backyard I told you about? Look what it did!

It's nice not having to procure.

FUCK A BUNCH OF FRENCH FRIES

2009-11-05T02:36:00.004-06:00

SO, for the second time this year (I did it before I started this blog.), I'm giving up french fries and chips. The chips thing is an add-on, which I can or can't eat. So don't hate if I eat chips.
Anyway, the point is that I eat too many french fries. I'm a shitty fast-food eater. I eat a lot of that crap, and everything on those menus comes with fries. FRIES. Once described by a friend as "the sun of my food solar system", pomme frites are such a staple, it's like bread.
It's hard to quit, too. I have to order sandwiches only and it freaks out the drive-thru people. It isn't the easiest concept to get their heads around. Everything comes with fries! Lay off! I'm just trying to give my body a break, OK? Last time I quit FF, I dropped like 10 lbs. easy. That's the motivator. I wonder if it's beneficial to my heart? But who cares what your insides look like?
FFF! Fuck French Fries!

DON'T LET ME NEAR THEM BITCHES!

KITTENS:TNG UPDATE

2009-11-05T02:35:00.000-06:00

So, today, Sonny was adopted by a nice lady I know. Kudos!

KITTENS: THE NEXT GENERATION

2009-10-29T15:54:00.002-06:00

So! It is the fall, and thankfully so. It was SUPER hot for a spell and it was too hot to do anything, much less blog! Anyhoo, during this time our porch cat, Mimi, went and had another litter of kittens. And just like the last time, there were four. Ryan has already scooped one up and three remain.
Check them out.

The two little blond ones are coming along in the socializing department, but the dark, fluffy tabby is a real jerk. I call him the Hammer. He resists people in all manners, and the only way I can touch him is if he's eating and I sneak up. He's a dick.

This guy, on the other hand is turning out to be real nice. I call him Sonny. I think he's spoken for already, though.

Whaddaya Know!

2009-10-17T04:34:00.001-05:00

Two seperate and different people have complained to me about keeping this bitch up to date. About the content, too. I promise I'll do better.

theboobs: Make it clap! -NSFW

2009-10-13T04:20:00.000-05:00

theboobs: Make it clap! -NSFW

CLUB CLASSICS, PLEASE!

2009-09-30T02:51:00.002-05:00

Funky organ jam from Jaydee.

Classic Joey Beltram. What happened to him? He surely deserves a better Wiki page than the skimpy one that's up now.

Energy Flash, bitch.

I remember going to see Lords of Acid in the 90s and it being one of the loudest shows ever. I also talked my way out of a car wreck that night! Remember, Swain?

IT'S FUN: Cazwell's "I SEEN BEYONCE AT BURGER KING"

2009-09-29T04:26:00.001-05:00

I still like this. It's funny!

THIS IS FROM A GOOD MOVIE

2009-09-20T05:08:00.003-05:00

This is a sweet clip from the awesome Robert Downey movie, 1969's Putney Swope. It's this awesome tale of a black guy who gets to take over this ad agency and, in turn, takes over culture. It's amazing and has been a favorite of mine since I first saw it in my twenties. This clip is from a reel of commercials that his agency came up with; including Face-Off, an acne treatment. But, who cares about that shit? Listen to the hilarious song! Too amazing in our post-racial times..!

LET'S HAVE A DANCE!

2009-09-19T03:05:00.004-05:00

How can you resist?

This footage from Deee-Lite's brief stand as the greatest funk band in the world is very awesome. Yes, they are house pioneers, but they are also key players in the sense of traditional funk. Deee-Lite deserves your respect.

Let us also recognize the untold sound of the Robin S. hit "Show Me Love".

Robin S. - Show Me Love
by Hakunamatata67

SOMETIMES I LIKE TO DO NOTHING FOR A WHILE

2009-09-11T02:03:00.003-05:00

I've been a bad kid. I have been neglecting my duties. Got some irons in the fire....

REMEMBER HOW I WAS TALKING ABOUT THIS?!

2009-08-26T04:41:00.003-05:00

I'm sure you don't, but now that I've seen it again, I can plainly remember drunkenly complaining to someone that KC and the Sunshine Band didn't get the respect they deserved. I know I sound like an asshole Clarke Griswold talks about after work, but for reals; that band pumped out some damn fine jams. If that asshole singer/keyboard guy didn't rock the capes so often they could be so Sly. Anyhoo, the dude who threw up this evidence to the Sunshine Band's hard work on YouTube had this to say:

"Instrumental version of the George McCrae hit. KC's first album was all instrumental. His label boss suggested McCrae record this, KC's first of many gold records. Recorded at the Miami Jai Alai Fronton in '74."

Geez, handjob 'em already. Wow.
It's the jam, though, right?

I LIKE YOUR COSTUME

2009-08-24T02:33:00.002-05:00

Sadly, this is the best sounding version of the song I could find on the Tube.

These guys have a horror movie, too. It's not bad!

Of course!

HAVE YOU BEEN TO THE FUTURE?

I thought not.

Tiffany and Cartier are telling me the time.

And I never get enough. Also, the track is Gold.

Madonna's Warhol costume..

I could go on.....

LATE LATE VIDEO POST: Laid Back

2009-08-23T04:10:00.004-05:00

It's "Do It Again"!

This is from a Michael McDonald tribute show, which I have got to see.

Follow this link for an awesome Bubble Puppy video.

2009-08-23T03:48:00.001-05:00

http://www.paperrad.org/animations/bubble.html

Haiku Movie Review: DISTRICT 9

2009-08-19T17:13:00.005-05:00

Best representation of a mothership since CE3K.

(D: Neill Blomkamp, 2009)

Unexpectedly,
District 9 gives great sci-fi
and I don't feel dumb.

Seriously, District 9 is awesome. From the weaponry to the social commentary hiding in plain sight to Sharlto Copley's performance. A success on all fronts, and one of the best sci-fi movies of the decade. On top of everything, a movie from the West finally gets its mecha right!

(pic via Blogiversity)

Haiku Movie Review: THE UNBORN

2009-08-17T01:56:00.003-05:00

This part was cool.

(D: David S. Goyer, 2009)

This was weird to me.
Was this produced by Oprah?
Seems like its for girls.

The Unborn was a good try at making a really spooky, atmospheric ghost story a'la The Orphanage. It was very lightweight, though, and viscera-free. This was the "UNRATED" version, too. If this movie were marketed a little differently, I think it could have been popular with the Twilight crowd.

(pic via about.horror.com)

Haiku Movie Review: BART GOT A ROOM

2009-08-13T17:33:00.004-05:00

(D: Brian Hecker, 2008)

Cute little movie.
Inconsequential fun fluff.
Watch it hungover.

You know, I was going to post the trailer for this, but it's so awful that I thought it'd turn everyone off. Check this one out at the DVD store.

Haiku Movie Review: SAMURAI SCHOOL

2009-08-13T17:06:00.003-05:00

(D: Tak Sakaguchi, 2008)

How do they do it?
Fun action is so Japan!
All we get is guns.

MY MUSICAL DNA #2: Fuzzbox' "Love Is The Slug"

2009-08-09T04:35:00.002-05:00

This video bombarded my pubescent mind while viewing "Night Flight", the door to deliquency for so many cable-subscripted youth in my day. If you know anything about me, you'll watch and say, "Hey, yeah..."

WATCH THIS MUSIC #7: Tok Tok V. Soffy O

2009-08-09T04:26:00.002-05:00

A favorite.

MY MUSICAL DNA #1: Ralphi Rosario - "You Used To Hold Me"

2009-08-09T03:34:00.004-05:00

When I was in high school, I was in a college prepatory program called Upward Bound. This consisted of going to school an extra day every week and spending the summer at the local junior college taking classes. This was to graduate high school early or earn college credit, depending on your grade level. Anyhoo, I spent summers at the local ju-co dorm, smoking weed and drinking beer under the radar of the RA's and campus cops. I spent three summers in those dorms.
I got to know a lot of kids from a lot of other small towns in the region. One dude, during my first summer, was named Jorge and was from Eagle Pass. He was kind of weird and had a haircut much like that Jason Gould's in Say Anything. Anyhoo, he was the first person I ever met who had a pair of Technic 1200s and a mixer. I noticed him moving all this stereo equipment into his dorm and I made a note of asking this guy about it. I was very into hip hop at the time and the equipment piqued my curiosity. A few days later, I ran into dude at the cafeteria and started nerding out. He was technically proficient, but he didn't play hip hop. He played house music.
I don't even remember dude's name, but we smoked clove cigarettes and I watched him mix records. It was the first time I ever saw anyone do it. The first record he put on was Ralphi Rosario's "You Used To Hold Me" and I was down. The repetition, the smooth production, the dramatic vocals! Amazement! He produced a stashed beer and we drank it and listened to Nomad's "(I Want to Give You) Devotion", and that one Liz Torres song I can't name now. The rest of that summer I learned about house music, and its been a part of my life ever since. A few years ago, I strained to think about the song that first turned me on to house, and I though about that dj dude who first played it for me.
I've known a few djs since then, and a couple have taught me everything, but I'm forever grateful to Mexican Jason Gould for introducing me to house.
House music all night long.

RAISE UP GANGSTA

2009-08-07T03:52:00.003-05:00

Spottie is smartre like Sartre, and Camus can do!

He's smarter like Jimmy Carter, and Scooby Doo can doo doo!

Handsome baby!

MORTAL ENEMIES

2009-08-06T17:19:00.003-05:00

Spottie and Brutus have become BFFs. Spottie moved into the house about two months ago, around the same time that Brutus came to stay for the summer. At first, as you can imagine, they were wary of one another. Brutus didn't want to crush the tiny kitten, but he had questions. Spottie was terrified of the giant red monster nosing around. Eventually, they started hanging out. A little at first, but soon Brutus was letting Spottie crawl and claw all over his head and shoulders. He lets Spottie use his tail as a toy. Now, they've started taking naps together and it's really cute.

I MET SOME REAL ANIMALS AT THE RECORD STORE

2009-08-06T17:13:00.003-05:00

At the Broken Gold/Serious Tracers in-store at Sound on Sound, I ran into a real wild pair...

thnks, Mike!

R. I. P. John Hughes

2009-08-06T16:32:00.004-05:00

For me, the 80s would have consisted only of slasher movies and Steven Spielberg adventures if I hadn't watched all those awesome John Hughes movies. I think most folks my age grew up with these movies.

Hughes is responsible for one of my favorite movies of all time:

I'm glad Hughes never really strayed from his formula. I mean, sure, he did 'Home Alone', but didn't you enjoy that, too? I'll be drinking one for John Hughes tonight!

I AM LAME

2009-08-05T02:09:00.003-05:00

Please excuse the blog.
I've been quite uninspired.
Soon, the spice will flow.

2009-08-02T23:22:00.001-05:00

thanks to CatLadder.

I LOVE PICTURES OF DRUNKS BESIDES MYSELF.

2009-07-30T01:21:00.002-05:00

Wastey!

via DListed

PRESS START!

2009-07-29T18:33:00.005-05:00

I've got a crush on this dumb little movie. So, in keeping with today's theme, check out PRESS START!

I know it looks super-budget, but it's actually a fun movie. If you know the Konami code, then you may have what it takes to enjoy this one.

MARIO KART, I LOVE YOU

2009-07-29T18:07:00.004-05:00

Ask anybody 40 and under what their favorite video game is. Unless they're an active gamer, most would say, "I don't play video games. I'm a grown ass man/woman." Many are lying, but many aren't. Just say "Do you like Mario Kart?" and the askee will reply "Oh, I love that game! I'm always Yoshi." And then I say, "Not when you play me, YOU CLOD."
It's true. The Mario Kart series is possibly the funnest video game series in the world. Anyone can play, and most are eager to. It invites competition (driving for dudes), but the cute characters and fun music (for girls) keep it light. Unless you are me, and stand up each time you win a race and lord it over your opponent. Many video game experts may disagree and say that some lame MMORPG is the most fun. Or Metroid. Metroid is fun, yes, but they are wrong. Mario Kart is the best.
Just watch this guy rule Rainbow Road, the final track on most Mario Kart games, and tell me you don't want to play afterwards.

That's a really good time! Yes, his use of powersliding around the curves is impressive, but also dangerous for players not as skilled as this guy. Do you think he could run the track like this on Grand Prix mode? Who knows?
In conclusion, Mario Kart is awesome. It's good for playing alone (stoned), but, like pizza and booze, it's better when you share the fun. Let's all pray that Hollywood doesn't try and make a movie out of it.

DEMANDS TO BE SEEN: Real Girls Get Down on the Floor

2009-07-28T21:33:00.003-05:00

I think I know, like, two girls who like to dance, but look at all these chicks having a fucking party on TV! They're not dancing in a circle around their purses and shoes. These dimes are working it out on the floor. Ran up my phone bill? Dance it out. Stained the dress I let you borrow? We'll dance it out on Detroit's #1 Dance Party. You know this.

Awesome!

WATCH THIS MUSIC #6: Phoenix

2009-07-28T20:20:00.003-05:00

I'll soon start trying to figure out how I'm going to get my cheap ass into ACL Fest so I can see Phoenix.

WATCH THIS MUSIC #5: La Roux

2009-07-28T15:18:00.002-05:00

I'm really into this album right now. I'm a little late on it, but who cares? You should look it up!

Sneaker Fetish

2009-07-23T15:15:00.002-05:00

Spotty (Spottie?) becomes a gelding tomorrow morning.
Going to the chop shop! Wish him well!

Haiku Movie Review: THE HURT LOCKER

2009-07-22T18:48:00.003-05:00

(D: Kathryn Bigelow, 2009)

A good, not great, film.
But probably the best film
I have seen all year.

Haiku Movie Review: HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE

2009-07-20T19:11:00.002-05:00

(D: Chris Yates, 2009)

Not much magic here,
just enough to stay awake.
I'm over Harry.

Hey! Hey! Hey. Hey. Hey!

2009-07-17T22:36:00.001-05:00

Are you listening to me?

Bar Dawgs

2009-07-16T20:19:00.004-05:00

Shortly after taking these pictures,
these handsome boys met and became
best friends forever. Maybe it was the booze.

HAIKU TIME .013: Law & Order

2009-07-15T15:41:00.004-05:00

Two hours a day
will keep the boredom away
then lame Bones comes on.

Today, an episode I'd never seen before came on! Yes, it was from the Dennis Farina era, but it also had Michael Imperioli and the assistant DA Borgia that I like. They need to run more episodes with Detectives Logan and Briscoe. That'd be great.

I HOPE YOU KNOW MORSE CODE

2009-07-15T02:49:00.000-05:00

HAIKU TIME .012: Cruel Summer

2009-07-13T17:16:00.006-05:00

Weathermen can't help.
Our sweat glands have stopped working.
Sno-cones can save us.

Haiku Movie Review: BRUNO

2009-07-11T14:35:00.003-05:00

Sure, it had big laughs,
but it was missing something.
I still had fun, though.

For real, I kind of had a hard time taking the bait this time. I'm just
not buying this set-up. Who hasn't heard of Borat or Sasha Baron Cohen?
I know that the whole world isn't as cultural as I am, but come on.
(Update: 7/13) You know, I don't know that this movie comes
across as it should. I know that it aims to expose homophobia, but does it? At times, it seems like a gay minstrel show. Now that I think about it, Bruno might be seen by homophobes as "See? This is how these fucked up gay people make us feel. All threatened, with targets on our assholes. Thank you for showing everyone how the fags are destroying the ozone layer."

WATCH THIS MUSIC #4: The Carpenters

2009-07-10T20:56:00.002-05:00

Great song, humorous fan video. The song is originally by prog band Klaatu, but I love this version.

VIDEO DAWGS!

2009-07-08T19:43:00.005-05:00

It's always awesome when canine companions visit the shop!

This pup's favorite band is BLUR!

Jackson's nose is the cutest color ever. You should feel it, too!

STROLLER PUG DEMANDS TO BE SEEN

2009-07-07T16:19:00.003-05:00

This is maybe one of the cutest dog videos ever produced. I can't believe it. If they ever do a special DVD release of The Adventures of Milo and Otis, they should include this as an epilogue. Please enjoy.

Haiku Time .011: Karaoke

2009-07-07T01:41:00.002-05:00

One rule of gay bars,
one song you should never do:
Stairway to Heaven

Haiku Time .010: Polar Bears

2009-07-07T01:36:00.001-05:00

Do bears shit on ice?
This polar bear shows you how,
with all his bear might!

Haw, haw!

PARTY WITH ME JULY 17!

2009-07-07T01:26:00.004-05:00

Hey, come on out to Red 7 next week because my buddies from Seattle, the Coconut Coolouts, will be in town to play a fun show. All the bands are awesome, including Personal and the Pizzas who fake being from Jersey. If my recommendation isn't enough you can check them out below! Also, please to excuse the shitty flier I made. I'm not that talented.

Haiku Time .009: Valley Girl

2009-07-06T15:22:00.003-05:00

Oh, sweet teen romance.
I wished this happened to me,
will settle for this.

I watched Valley Girl twice yesterday. Twice. I'd seen it before, and I'll definitely watch it again. I love it. Young Nicholas Cage before he got his teeth fixed, the Plimsouls, Deborah Foreman, Elizabeth Daily all enjoying early 80s L.A. It makes me wish I were there, or at least it makes me wish for a boyfriend like Randy.
Is this how it is for Twilight fans?

HAIKU TIME .007: Whoops.

2009-07-04T05:50:00.002-05:00

'Twas too much, too soon;
and so here is seven now,
sorry I fucked up.

HAIKU TIME .008: Independence Day

2009-07-03T15:00:00.006-05:00

Let's get drunk all day
and explode our hands clean off!
Freedom isn't free!

Later, let's see if the dog'll fly.

Haiku Movie Review: BALLS OUT: GARY THE TENNIS COACH

2009-06-30T14:15:00.004-05:00

(D: Danny Leiner, 2009)

No Citizen Kane,
Stifler in a jockstrap
is enough for me.

Gary is a lot like the movies that Sandler's Happy Madison puts
out every six months or so. It's a story of a misfit who wants to
do good and helps out some other misfits in the process. It's an
old story, but one that's a worthy companion to romcoms in the
straight to DVD scene. Together, they're like his n' hers video purchases.
The tennis angle of the story is cool, as opposed to the usual football/basketball
team usually in play.

Haiku Movie Review: TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN

2009-06-29T18:23:00.005-05:00

(D: Michael Bay, 2009)

My only defense
against this load of dogshit
was to fall asleep.

I don't know why, but I felt as though I should see this movie. Aware of the craptacular reviews, I thought I could take it. I was wrong. Never before has there been such a gilded turd. I would have walked out, but I thought my buddy was enjoying it so I slept through the final act. I didn't know what else to do! When the lights came up, though, I still felt dumber for seeing it.

BBQ BABY WEIRDO

2009-06-29T01:03:00.005-05:00

I met a handsome boy at a BBQ after I got out of work today. So powerful was his cuteness, that I forgot his name. I also forgot that I hate pugs, but this one's cute.

He seemed to enjoy having his picture taken.

Then someone, got him stoned!
j/k!

Whoa!

KITTEN UPDATE #5: Kitten still?

2009-06-29T00:42:00.005-05:00

Who's growing up now? It's Spotty. Fa fa!

Since losing his sister, Spotty has moved on and left
his tragic past behind. He's barely a kitten anymore.
He's more like a surly teen. He has survived a brutal case of
face fleas and a Dawn dish soap bath. Drew and Peeky blessed
Spotty with a few drops of Advantage flea crap and he's good
to sleep in my bed again. Brutus comes inside a lot and now he and
Spotty are friends. I saw them kiss yesterday.
This might be the last kitten update.
Spotty's not a baby.

HAIKU TIME .006: Celebrity Drunks

2009-06-28T18:06:00.004-05:00

Do celebrities drink
to forget our watching eyes?
Nope. It's just for fun.

Let's pour one out for our favorite celebrity drunks!

HAIKU TIME .005: Aging

2009-06-28T17:45:00.004-05:00

Getting old can suck.
Just keep your sex life active
with old butt pirates!

Show 'em how you swing, Sofia! For your health!

HAIKU TIME .004: Babe the Pig

2009-06-28T17:36:00.003-05:00

Babe is cute and all,
but when it comes to acting,
the bitch steals the show.

Ain't that always the way, pig?

HAIKU TIME .003: RIP MJ

2009-06-26T13:09:00.002-05:00

Amazing talent
will never be forgotten.
So glad we had you...

HOT CHICKS

2009-06-22T18:25:00.007-05:00

The incubator at Poquito Manor hath bore fruit; and it's baby chickens!

They're real young so they have to kept super warm. This is accomplished by keeping them under a heat lamp, nice and cozy. It is a window into the future for these chicks, which will most likely end up as nuggets or strips in a fast food restaurant near you. While this fate sounds gruesome, it's a far better thing than to be a furry chicken with fluffy feet adopted by a crazy cat lady who's allergic to felines.

I don't usually want to handle unfried chicken, but this little guy won me out. It's like holding a cotton ball with ugly parts attached to it. It also won me over when it took a crap in JJ's hand.

Hopefully, one of these chicks will escape S. Truett Cathey and grow up to be a handsome, traditional, Corn Flakes box rooster. Like this dude! Cock a doodle doo, motherfucker!

THINGS I WOULDN'T/COULDN'T/SHOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.

2009-06-20T16:57:00.003-05:00

You know, there's a lot of crazy shit in the world, some WAY more screwy than others. And every once in a while, there's some stuff I just don't, can't or won't understand. Most of these things are inconsequential and amusing, but some are here to stay and we have to live with them. An example of the latter would be those horrible Crocs that all white people seem to love.
Now, now, I am a very tolerant person when it comes to cultural proclivities. While I'm a big pussy when it comes to trying new foods, I'm always game to check out something new and interesting. Who doesn't like to learn about cool new stuff? I am fascinated by what other folks will wear but I can't always figure out why. I love to watch people do their normal, everyday things, but that don't mean I know why they're doing it. Understanding people is an awesome task. Understanding flora and fauna is somewhat easier. Understanding concepts such as mathematics, art, and interstellar travel depends on the individual trying to wrap their brains around it.

Here is a list of things I don't "get" (That's a hip way to say that you understand something.)

Eyeball tattoos
Veganism
fisting
Esperanto
how water is made
War
Vaginas
Carrot Top
Dreadlocks
Tall bikes

Really! What the fuck?

IN WHICH I INTRODUCE MYSELF

2009-06-19T14:46:00.002-05:00

I just realized that I've blogging here for a month or two now and you, reader, might not even know who I am! Well, let's put a stop to that. Here's a picture of me in the flesh...

WHAT BECOMES A PIZZA MOST?

2009-06-18T01:02:00.007-05:00

What parts of a pizza make it a good pizza? Do the sum of the
parts equal a good pizza? Does that always hold true? A fancy cheese
on a shitty crust is just what it is. The world's best pepperoni can't
carry an entire pie. The ingredients have to play as a team.

I believe that a good pizza team is
lead by the sauce. Much like a point
guard leading his team, the sauce should provide a stable base and direction. A poor sauce will support only the shortcomings of its team and never be enough to overcome them.

There are many different types of cheese you can put on a pizza, but they should always be the strong shoulders of the pizza team. A cheese has to carry the heavy weight of the toppings, often the most important ingredient to most eaters. So which is best? Traditional mozzarella is always awesome, but think of others like provolone or goat cheese. Both are excellent alternatives.

Finally, the toppings. The LeBron James of the pizza team. The ingredient/player we all recognize and pay to see. The star. Of course, this part of the starting lineup is always changing. From traditional fare like pepperoni and mushrooms, to disgusting affronts to the world of pizza like the one seen above. You can put just about anything on a pizza and it could be your favorite. Shrimp? Sure! Tofu? Why not? Just don't ask for any of that weird shit around me.

Let's have a slice, shall we?

Haiku Movie Review: UP

2009-06-17T02:23:00.006-05:00

Some expect the best.
When I see it, like Up,
You know I love it.

As if they were some sort of cinematic perpetual improvement machine, Up illustrates how it's only gotten better over at Pixar. Is it taking the time to make sure the story is good? Is it eyeballing every square inch of dog fur in a frame, so that we may better relate to the mutt? Whatever. It works, I love it, I'll watch it again. Do you know how many times I've seen Monsters, Inc. or A Bug's Life?!

WATCH THIS MUSIC #3: Le Kid

2009-06-16T20:01:00.002-05:00

I love it. Swedish, girl singers, pop beyond all control. All hail Le Kid!

These Scandinavian poppers look like they just got started. Their blog is shorter than mine, but they've got more tunes available the Myspace. I love Swedish pop music.

HAIKU TIME .002

2009-06-15T15:34:00.007-05:00

Love me some board games.
Love me some dominoes, too.
Let's drink beer and play.

My poor baby, Pootie

2009-06-12T20:53:00.003-05:00

It is with a heavy heart and many tears that I must announce the passing of Pootie. She was fatally injured today and passed away in my arms, after a terrible ordeal.
We were just getting to know each other and I'm beside myself. Spotty misses his sister and so do I.

KITTENS. I HAVE THEM.

2009-06-11T21:40:00.003-05:00

The official names of the kittens are as follows:

Looking just like her mother, she will be known as POOTIE TANG

Looking like a young dustmop, his name is SPOTTY.

Show them some love.

Haiku Movie Review: FIRED UP!

2009-06-11T20:57:00.002-05:00

(D: Will Gluck, 2009)

Can't help but like it.
Horny boys go to cheer camp
makes a good movie.

For real! This one should have been called The Bring It On Boys. One, to cash in on that semi-successful DVD franchise, and two, it's got the same good-time, bubblegum feel as the original. It's a breeze to watch, a great hangover movie.

Haiku Movie Review: THE SKY CRAWLERS

2009-06-10T17:56:00.003-05:00

(D: Mamoru Oshii, 2009)

This was so boring.
Oshii is always boring.
Turned it off early.

For real, though. Bring a pillow. It's beautiful to look at, but dry as a bone. It seems to be par for the course for Oshii, though. IT WAS SO BORING I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO LOOK FOR A PICTURE TO POST.

KITTEN UPDATE #4: Kittens Move In

2009-06-06T18:00:00.004-05:00

The kittens have landed! After some socialization at Dave and Robin's and Yellow's adoption by Marla and Fred, two new faces moved into my house. Spotty (seen above) and one of the calico twins ambled in on Wednesday. They've been getting to know the house and they've met Peeky, another cat in residence. They get to see Mimi a lot and spend time under the couch. I'm glad the kittens have moved in, as I was getting bored without having Pierre underfoot all the time.
Oh, and Brutus has landed in the yard! Our summer guest is actually a pretty good guard dog. He knows who's welcome and who's not!

Haiku Movie Review: THE HANGOVER

2009-06-06T17:19:00.003-05:00

(D: Todd Phillips, 2009)

I loved this, although
the only explosions were
the audience's laughs.

Another Todd Phillips winner! Zach Galifianakis is the new Will Ferrell! Let's hope Bradley Cooper doesn't become another Matthew McConaughey! I love the song Ed Helms sings!

WATCH THIS MUSIC #2 : Alexis Weak

2009-06-05T00:10:00.004-05:00

Let's all holler in Swedish AND Portugese! And keep an eye out for the shout-out to A-Ha! This was filmed in one take in Sweden's largest supermarket! K-umlaut-umlaut-L!

Look up the Legobeat remix for some glitchy 8-bit fun, as well!

Haiku Movie Review: SPRING BREAKDOWN

2009-06-03T16:47:00.003-05:00

(D: Ryan Shiraki, 2009)

I tried to like it.
Poor execution? Maybe.
Some ships just won't float.

Really, Spring Breakdown? Is this how you want to go out? I realize that it was a long row to hoe; the effort to get distributed, that is. A lady-driven comedy isn't easy, but with that pedigree, how could you fail? I shouldn't feel sorry watching Amy Poehler AND Parker Posey in a script with SNL alumni all over it, but I did. Everyone (especially Rachel Dratch, who gives it all she's got) seemed to want for this to work, but it melted all over the place like an ice cream cone you looked forward to on a really hot day.
I like to think that this was a pep rally for Rachel Dratch. That snub over at "30 Rock", before it got big, had to hurt. Was Spring Breakdown her consolation prize? I hope she would make better use of a favor from Tina Fey.

Haiku Movie Review: DRAG ME TO HELL

2009-05-30T14:05:00.005-05:00

Supernatural!
It's nice to see a movie
without a slasher.

One of the perks of being a big-time movie director is getting to go back in time. Not literally, of course, but look at Sam Raimi. Remember seeing Evil Dead for the first time? It had an infectious vile giddiness about it. We all felt it. Raimi continued to infuse the movies he made with that vibe for a while and then the studios dropped their house on him. They saw a great product in him and they got several, from Darkman all the way up to the Spider-Man franchise.
Thanks to all his hard work, Raimi gets to go back in time and re-visit his old self; and we get to see Drag Me to Hell! Anyone who appreciated the fat demons and skeletal Deadites of Sam's early ouvre will warm up to his new picture. Agreeing with the high scores it has on Rotten Tomatoes and Metacritic, I can't think of anything I didn't like about it. It was even loud enough for me and that never happens.

Haiku Movie Review: TERMINATOR: SALVATION!

2009-05-28T18:46:00.003-05:00

(D: McG, 2009)

I did not hate it.
I like to watch destruction!
I like big robots.

TOO MANY FLIP FLOPS AT THE PUNK FEST.

2009-05-28T14:18:00.003-05:00

Last weekend saw many, many stinky crusty punks and their admirers descend on our fair burg. They were here for Chaos in Tejas, a big weekender that my buddy Timmy puts on once a year. Many, many dingy t-shirts and unkempt mohawks were all over downtown and the area. Here's some lifestyle pics from outside Sunday's in-store at Sound on Sound on North Loop.

See? Flip flops.

GARDEN OF DAVE

2009-05-28T14:06:00.007-05:00

My yardmate Dave has started a little herb garden in the middle yard. Despite the super-dry conditions of late, it seems to be doing pretty well. Plants can be very hearty in that sometimes they thrive where you'd least expect it, like in a old barrel!

Dave and Robin have been using the kale, basil, and jalapenos they've grown already. Big ups to green thumbs! Meanwhile, the weed plant that was given to me is trying hard to get me stoned.

KITTEN UPDATE #3: Movin' On Up?

2009-05-28T03:50:00.005-05:00

Dinner bell.

The kittens are doing well. They've been growing and exposing themselves to the elements. They felt rain and dogs. They've noticed the difference between sun and shade. They know when their mother is calling them and when she is not, even if I'm imitating Mimi. Our gang has been enjoying canned food and learning about hunting from mommy. In fact, below you will find a picture of Yellow chowing down on a lizard that Mimi cornered under the steps for her.

The newest development in the kittens' short lives is the fact that they've been moved into Dave and Robin's house. The twins, Spotty, and Soulja Boy have been quarantined in the Get To Know You Chamber. This is an effort to get them socialized, but Mimi is stressed out by it! I watched her call out for the kids when dinner was served one day, but just one showed up. The tears welled up, but Mimi stayed strong for her baby girl. Yellow remains her sole charge in the yard and she looks out for her non-stop. Mimi even hissed at me when I caught them snuggling in the backyard. What a bitch!